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Monday, January 7, 2013

Miscarriages

Miscarriage.

Today I would like to go into detail about miscarriages.. In particular mine..

Yes guys I miscarried about a month ago now. Many of you knew I was pregnant if not see post here. Many of you have been asking how I am feeling and how everything is going with the pregnancy and some have even asked to post baby bump pictures, but, I could not tell any of you about my loss until now. I have to thank you guys for being such amazing friends to me and it means the world to me that you guys care.

I never thought a miscarriage would happen to me and I am sure many of you others have felt the same way. I already had had my son at a very young age of 17 years and thought that sense I had already had had a baby that I didn't have miscarriages. This was not true.

I went to my doctors appointment at 11 weeks pregnant. Dylan and I were thrilled beyond belief just so excited not a care in the world. My baby bump was growing like crazy, I had been feeling great, and I had no complications so far (as far as I knew). The doctor went over everything with us mostly just exciting things like, congratulations! And a July 4th baby?? How did you get so lucky to get that date?? All exciting things were going on until she checked to see the babies heart beat and there was not one. Our hearts stopped beating when we heard the news. This was the most devastating news that we had heard in A LONG time. I tried to keep on a happy face until the doctor left and when she left I just sat on Dylan's lap and cried. They wanted us to go to another doctors office immediately after to take a more accurate test and in hopes that my doctors test was wrong. Dylan was the best support in the whole world. He told me that we did not need to do that and that we could do whatever I thought was best for me. As hard as it was it was nice to have someone feeling the exact same emotions as me at the exact same time. I tried to be strong and had a smidgen of hope that for some reason the doctor was wrong. I had other tests done that all came with the same devastating results. Dylan knows how to cheer me up. He said well lets go to your favorite coffee shop and get some coffee at least! I am a coffee fean and I had not had any ever sense I found out I was pregnant. I had been reading up on all the do's and dont's of pregnancy and following them to a perfect T.

Now, shortly after my awesome latte the doctors office called and asked me how I would like to get rid of the fetus. My first reaction was to let it come out naturally. So that is what I told them. They told me that they would call in pills that would make me miscarry called a D&C. I said okay but thought I would not use them. The next morning I woke up and looked in the mirror while taking off my clothes to shower and started to sob. My baby bump was in full effect and I couldn't take it anymore. It was no longer cute it was just a reminder of what I had lost.

Sorry guys keep reading I promise this becomes a happier story.

So I went to the pharmacy and picked up my D&C. The cramps and bleeding started after about 4 hours and it took me all day to miscarry. I started feeling a little bit better emotionally after that.

These were the thoughts that helped me through this:
Talking to other people that had been through it - SO many people I know have had one that I never even knew about.
Knowing that 20-30% of pregnancy's are miscarriages. (I never knew that before)
Remembering that it was not my fault and that I couldn't have changed or done anything differently.
Thoughts that this is gods way of making sure your baby is born as healthy as possible.
Remembering that I want a happy healthy baby and child.
Remembering that it was not the time yet and that we can try again.

The reason for going into detail about all of this with you is to help you understand that you are NOT alone. This happens to many of us. It is out of our control. The most important thing to remember is to get right back on that horse and try again. That is what we are going to do.. As scared as I am I know that this is what I need to do to heal. It will happen and it will happen how and when it should.
I hope that this helps some of you. Maybe if it doesn't help you maybe you could pass it to a friend.

Thanks again for being such amazing friends!
post signature

43 comments:

  1. Tears for the one you lost. I am so so sorry. I can't imagine and won't pretend to... but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Don't lose faith. It'll happen when you lease expect it to!

    Love and hugs!

    Melissa

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  2. So sorry to hear about this Ashlee! I can't imagine how it must have felt. This is one of my biggest fears for when my boyfriend and I start "trying". Stay strong, it will happen!

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  3. I'm so sorry for your loss Ashlee. I think you absolutely have the right attitude about it though. Thank you for your strength in sharing your story. XOXO.

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  4. I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say to comfort you since I haven't experienced this before but just know that you are loved. Thank you for sharing such an intimate part of your life with us. My best friend had the same thing happen this past week. She went in for her 12 week appt and found out the fetus had stopped growing. It's extremely difficult and hard but just know that God knows what he's doing and will help you through this. :)

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  5. I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie, that can't be easy. I've never been through it myself, but I do have friends who have. It's wonderful that you want to share your story so other women who have been through the same situation know they aren't alone, and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, xo.

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  6. Girl I love you so much. I am so glad I was able to be there for you. I am SO proud of you for writing this post. You are beautiful inside and out. I can't wait till the day we meet in person. You are awesome, and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Our babies will come! LOVE YOU!

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  7. I'm so sorry you went through this. :( my heart hurts for you. But I am so glad you have such a great man and you are so strong. Hugs.

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  8. aw hun I'm so sorry.. I was wondering too how you've been doing since I hadn't seen any talk about it since you announced it. I'm glad you're feeling better and this post will help so many other girls. xoxo

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  9. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I have a two year old daughter and have also suffered through a miscarriage. I remember feeling so excited after the first appointment because we saw the heartbeat, and then at the next appointment it was gone and I was devastated. I wish there were more solid answers for why these things happen but I think this is god's way of saying that there will be another beautiful baby for you in the future =)

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss :( Hopefully you are able to heal, and when you are ready, try again!

    Sending big hugs your way!

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  11. I am so sorry for your loss! I am also truly impressed by how you wrote this post with such grace and hope. Sending warm wishes your way!

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  12. I am so so so sorry this happened to you :( That would be so so hard. Thanks for sharing your story though, it is great for people who have gone through the same thing! Good luck with everything in the future!

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  13. Oh Ashley! I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I had 2 sad news today, my
    Aunt's passing and now your miscarriage.
    We will include you baby in our prayers and you and your husband.
    I also had a miscarriage and I know how you feel.
    But you are right,
    "Get right back on that horse and try again!."
    And that's what we did, after 3 months from my miscarriage we found out
    we were pregnant again and he is now one healthy Little 4 yr.old "TAZ".
    Hugs to you my dear.

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  14. Oh Ashlee...I'm so terribly sorry for your loss! Thanks for your courage, and for sharing your experience with us. XOXOXO

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  15. Ashlee, I am truly sorry for your loss and I am amazed by your positive attitude.
    I too suffered a miscarriage and it was very hard for us emotionally, but our doctor assured us that it was normal and that we could definitely try again. Since then we have two beautiful children. Stay positive and be patient, in the mean time enjoy time your husband and son, soon you will share news with us again. xoxo

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  16. Ashlee I am so sorry for your loss. I went through the same exact thing to a T on July 4th! I to took the pills which were unsuccessful and had to go into the hospital and actually have the D&C a month later. I feel your pain. Although it has been a few months I still grieve everyday. I already have two beautiful children and tell myself it just wasn't meant to be. Stay positive stay strong, surround yourself with loved ones, and your husband your rock, it will all work itself out. xo <3
    Rina

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  17. so sorry to hear about that :( That statistic about 20-30% of pregnancies miscarrying is so shocking. So sorry for your loss, there is a plan in it all.

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  18. I am seriously in prayer for your family. I have never had a miscarriage, but have my own stories to tell about pregnancy and loss. It's so imortant that you encourage others to know that it's okay to grieve, and also okay to have faith in God's control in every situation.

    xoxo
    <3

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  19. Ashlee, your story is moving and so sad. I want to let you know that I am totally behind you 100%, and that if you ever need anything to let me know. Hopes and wishes for a brighter future: I know you can make it happen!

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  20. so sorry for your loss :( it is a hard/long road to walk, but you are not alone. do what you need to do to heal. *hugs*

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  21. I am so sorry to hear this, but thank you for sharing. I think support is always a good thingin a time like this. Sending warm thoughts your way.

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  22. This is a great post. I have friends who have been through this and I KNOW would have found something like this helpful! My SIS in law had 3 miscarriages BUT has 3 beautiful kids now (5, 2, 1) It is tough im sure but Gods plan is bigger and yes you want that baby to be healthy, he will provide you with a child in his timing!

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  23. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Thanks for sharing...I'm sure this will help more people than you realize!

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  24. So sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family.

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  25. I am so sorry, but I'm glad you are getting through it. You are in my thoughts always. HUGS!!

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  26. I have to say that if these comments don't show you what amazing blog friends I have and how much a blog helps you through things.. then I really do not know what else would.
    Thank you ALL so much for your sweet thoughts, prayers, and stories!!
    I love you all!
    XO
    Your Friend,
    Ash

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  27. I'm so sorry sweetie, this post just broke my heart for you. What a terrible thing to have to go through. You're a brave lady to share this with us all, I bet it will help others too. I pray you will have another chance for a more happy outcome!!

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  28. Reading this broke my heart and brought back the painful memories of my own miscarriages. I had a very similar experience with my first pregnancy. I discovered my miscarriage the same way you did, at 10 weeks, right after discovering it was twins. I had a very hard time keeping my pregnancies until my doctor discovered I needed Progesterone supplements. With the help of those, I went on to have 2 wonderful, healthy babies. There is hope! I'm sorry for the despair you must be feeling right now. Nothing is so painful. My children fill my heart with love, but whenever I know someone who is going through that my heart breaks for them. Have faith! It will get better!!!

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  29. Hi Ashlee, so sorry to hear about your lost. Stay positive and take care.
    With hugs and love to you.

    Have a wonderful week ahead,regards.

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  30. Commending you for the bravery to post your story... and to blog about your loss. I hope that time heals your heart...and that you can try again if that's in the cards. Hugs

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  31. Well we're not alone in this. You at least know you can try again to have a child. One that will be healthy and happy with you and your family. I wish you the best to heal and keep on.



    zuleyb.blogspot.com

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  32. Oh friend, I just saw this. I am so sorry. You are amazing and kind in reassuring others who have been through this! Praying for you!

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  33. I am so sorry for your loss. I have the same story. I was 11 weeks when I misscarried in 2010 and I had to take the pills too. It's such a horrible feeling and I'm not going to lie I do think about the baby all the time. But I believe things happen for a reason. A year later my sister had my first nephew on the same day that was suppose to be my due date!

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  34. I am so sorry for your loss. I have the same story. I was 11 weeks when I misscarried in 2010 and I had to take the pills too. It's such a horrible feeling and I'm not going to lie I do think about the baby all the time. But I believe things happen for a reason. A year later my sister had my first nephew on the same day that was suppose to be my due date!

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  35. Ashlee! I hadn't read your blog in a while, and I'm going back to catch up on everything. Your story brought me to tears! You never cease to have such a good attitude about life and I've always admired that about you. As Eli's been going through his terrible twos, I often think about how strong you are to have dealt with the responsibility of being a mother at a young age. You are amazing, and i'm sure there's a perfect little baby anxiously waiting to be all yours. :) Hugs.

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  36. Sweetheart - i had no idea you went through all of this until now. You have such and great perspective. Blessings ahead! Thanks for the sweet note you sent me today!

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